Up Above The Streets And Houses

Despite the usual Bank Holiday weather, this morning Mrs Wife and I went for a brief helicopter flight along the Thames. Here, by way of proof, are pictures from mere hours ago...

The Excel Centre in East London. I think you can see the queues for the next series of The X-Factor at the right of the building (seriously - they're holding auditions there this weekend).



The Tower of London, with Tower Bridge in the bottom right corner (with the skid of the helicopter)



The mother of Parliaments was the turn-around point for our trip, so it necessitated the mother of all steep turns. No, it wasn't just me being all artsy with the framing of the shot, this is how it was.



And heading back out towards East London, and Soanes Towers, we see the Dome and Canary Wharf. Not everyone's cup of tea architecturally, either of them, I know, but to me being this close to them says one thing: I'm almost home.

On which note, I shall get back to enjoying the Bank Holiday Sunshine, which is currently dripping down the windows. Hope you're enjoying this Now With 50% Free weekend.

I'm Still Alive!

(Which, coincidentally, were the words I texted to friends and family late on Saturday afternoon.)

By way of proving that the claim to be a 'mountain-climber' in my profile on the right of this page is true, and also explaining the lack of posting here on't blog in the last few days, I respectfully offer the following:

That, m'loves, is me at the summit of Ben Nevis on Saturday. So that's the highest mountain in the UK ticked off my 'to do' list.

Not sure what chunk of earth will be next, but the freshness of the air and the scenery has reminded me just how much I enjoy the mountains, so there will be another. Oh yes.

Cheltenham & Gloucester Building Society Use Unwitting Kidnap Victim In Their Advertising?

Unless the design of her car is staggeringly modern, I have to respond :"No, sorry, you really aren't..."

Learn From My (Almost) Mistakes

So, on Tuesday night, the external hard-drive thingy attached to my computer died. It's a cute little thing, about the size of a passport and about 300Gb, and thus the ideal place for me to store all my music and video files and the like (not to mention my writing).

But the computer suddenly stopped acknowledging the drive even existed, and so iTunes and other programmes were looking for information that wasn't there. Yeek.

The fortunate timing for me was that this drive-death had happened within hours of me backing everything up onto another, bigger drive, so after buying another portable drive I was able to get things pretty much back to where they'd been. Okay, time and a bit of money wasted, but a small price to pay in comparison with losing all my tunes and videos. As the Young Ones put it, "Phew! That was close!"

Anyway, I'm telling you this not just because I treat this blog like some kind of online confessional/notebook, but also because the moral of my tale is one which has been said many times before, by better folks than I, time and time again: back up your stuff.

They often say you never know when a drive's going to die, but the chances are that it'll be when it's least convenient for you (not in my case, but I've always been a freak), so save your stories, assignments or whatnot in a good location, and then save them again somewhere else.

If you've got a Mac, there's the Time Machine software; if you're signed up to Windows Live, you can use their 'Skydrive' facility to stash stuff online, or there are other services such as Dropbox which offer free online storage and access (and if you use that link, we both get an extra 250Mb free space), or you could just use plug-in external HDs or memory sticks or whatever you prefer.

But I strongly urge you to back stuff up, and get a routine going to do so, so that you can avoid the possibility that, as mine did the other night, your stomach suddenly goes cold as you realise that you may have lost all your funky music and draft writing...

BBC Writers Academy - 2010 Applications Invited

If you're interested in writing for TV, chances are you've already heard about this, but if not...

The BBC Writers Academy application process for this year opens today, and if you get one of the (up to) eight places, you'll get a pretty cracking grounding in writing for TV, particularly Continuing Drama (which covers programmes such as EastEnders, Holby City and Casualty).

You need to have a drama credit - and that means a paid commission for stage, screen or radio - and to submit a sample script as well as the application form etc, by 5 May 2010. There are, as I say, only a handful of places, but it's a terrific opportunity to learn about writing in a professional environment, and that certainly can't hurt.

Full details are available here, and there's a transcipt of the recent BBC Continuing Drama Q&A session here - wherein I spot that an online drama credit, as long as you've been paid by someone else for it, also makes you eligible to apply. Groovy.

Anyway, as I'm not yet in possession of a drama credit, I can't apply, but if you are and you do, please let me know how you get on, eh ?

What A Difference A Hyphen Makes

For some years since the character came into the public domain, the world of literature has seen a number of books featuring Dracula, such as this one from 1997:

As you may have read, last year the Stoker estate authorised a sequel, co-written by Abraham's great grand nephew Dacre.

Strange, then, the choice of title for it...

Ah well.

You Know, Aside From In Comedies Or Repeats, I Don't Think I've Seen Flashbacks Signified By That Wibbly-Wobbly Screen Effect In Quite Some Time

Crikey, a few days between posts there. Anyway, hope you had a good Easter Break.

So, I've been thinking about flashbacks; mainly because the novel I'm currently writing - at a glacial pace - features two 'strands' of narrative, one of which is a flashback for the main story, providing background detail for it.

I was watching the TV series Jekyll the other day, and - as is often the case with his work - the writer Steven Moffat does some interesting things with the structure, flashing back to scenes (either familiar or unseen) to provide information about the current story. In one of the episodes, a tough-looking military chap is introduced, and then we have several minutes of montage-style flashbacks showing him being tough in various situations before he engages with the main character. It works pretty well, but in the hands of a lesser writer (like me), it could just be a way to introduce a character or plot element and retro-fit them into the story to plug a gap; the good guy's cornered by a horde of hooligans, but then we see a flashback of him picking up a taser as he leaves home, and so he deus ex machina-s his way out of the predicament.

There's a problem for me with the film Kill Bill Part 2 as a result of this (and after this parenthesis, there be spoilers); in the second film we see a sequence where The Bride is being trained in certain techniques, and then we see her using them a little later in the film; all fairly normal, but of course this is the second of two films, and if Tarantino wanted us to 'almost forget' that she'd learned the wood-breaking technique or whatever and then go 'ah, right, of course' when she uses it, I'd imagine he would have buried (pun intended for those of you who know what I'm on about) that sequence in the first film so you would have nearly forgotten it. I'd imagine that if the film had been released in one chunk then that sequence would have been earlier in the running order, though that's just my guess.

On the other hand, if you release a film and there's a period of time before the completion of the story, it means keen fans may see it more than once and spot scenes which are possibly setting up pay-offs in later instalments (cf the hoverboard in the Back To The Future films), but you don't necessarily want the audience to spot that something is clearly setting up a later event. It's a fine thing to balance - some stories can be sufficiently involving that you forget the key plot element (I'd nominate the boiler plot point in The Shining), or there can be so much going on - such as many possible suspects in a murder mystery - that you're not sure which clues are relevant or not. On the other hand, flashbacks can suddenly appear and inform the current situation with such plodding obviousness as to remove the suspense or mystery from the story.

I remember a chap I worked with who said he didn't like the flashbacks which started to appear in the second series of The West Wing, because he felt that it showed they'd run out of story, and were resorting to making up stuff that had happened before the show started; I didn't think that was the case, but I know what he means - it's a fairly frequent occurrence in film sequels or long-running TV series for one of the main characters to suddenly encounter an ex-wife or mentor or adversary, and depending on how it's handled it can add a bit of depth to the characters, or just look like they're bolting something on to the existing setup in the hope it works.

As is so often the case when I'm talking about the specifics of writing, I don't have any kind of definitive conclusion on this, but it's certainly something I'm mindful of at the moment, when writing and or reading and when watching TV or films alike; flashbacks, at best, should contribute something to the characterisation or plot, but at the same time they're best when they don't scream 'look at me, I'm important!'. Better, I think, that the flashes should are discreet; my aim in my novel is for them to intertwine with the 'present day' events like a background harmony (appropriately enough, the example which comes to my mind is the 'Frere Jacques' bit in The Beatles' Paperback Writer), but as with most things I'm involved in the creation of, I'll probably be the least qualified to judge whether I've been successful or not.

Still, one of the benefits of writing a self-contained story is that I can go back and insert things to make it look as if I knew what I was doing all along, and not just making it up as I went along; that's what all the drafts after the first draft are for, really.

Or, if I can't be bothered to do that, I'll point to this blog post and say see, I did think about the flashbacks, even if I didn't really make them work.

Les Poissons D'Avril

Given the date, I can't really post anything you'll believe, can I ?

That being the case, here's a picture of a (not unconnected) fish.

Basically, I'm Saying "Don't Worry, Daddy Still Loves You Just As Much"

In an example of my usual skill at being ahead of the curve, I've just started to tinker on Twitter (as promised last year, I gave it some time, to see if it was just a pash in the flan) - you can see me here.

Not entirely sure if it'll prove to be a lasting thing, though I'm finding it quite diverting so far.

Anyway, I'll still be blogging - and don't worry, there are actual content-rich posts in the pipeline, not just 'ooh, doesn't that look a bit like that?' ones - so this is not any kind of farewell. You don't get rid of me that easily.

That said, I still think I'd have to sustain some kind of head injury before I'd consider signing up to Facebook.

I Think I'll Get Some Pick N Mix Too

Obviously, it's subliminal advertising - you know they make more money from selling snacks than from sales of cinema tickets?

Two Comic Covers From 1984

Normally, I'd suggest plagiarism, but these were both drawn by the same chap (Brian Bolland), so I'll just chalk it up to a similar approach taken to both the pieces of work.

No criticism here at all, by the way; Bolland's an absolute master of comic art: if you want clean lines, he's yer artist. And I particularly like the way that the design plays on the left-to-right approach to reading, drawing the eye across the image to make you wonder just who or what is firing at the characters.

Anyway, this slight coincidence freaked out my 13-year-old self, so I thought I'd share it.

As The Saviour Of Humanity In The Matrix Put It: "Whoa!"

I've linked before to the ever-amusing Photoshop Disasters blog, wherein they point out under-'shopped bits of advertising and promotional material.

But like any tool, Photoshop itself isn't a bad thing, it's a question of how it's used, and here's something created by Eric Johansson, a craftsman who need not blame his tools:


Clever, innit? You can see more of his work here - prepare to have your ever-lovin' brain bent out of shape (or, at least, for your eyeballs to be tickled).

Enjoy.

I'm Using The Internet As A Message Pad, Yes. What Of It?

Just a quick message to wish my brother a very happy birthday - he's a jolly good egg, and has been a longtime reader of the blog, and is always one of the first to comment when posts become fewer and further between.

So, have a good day Bro - and if you're reading this on your phone in the usual way, I guess you'll be needing this in a minute or so:

To the rest of my readers, I can only apologise. And I do.

I Am, Quite Literally, A Dancin Fool

... oh, hang on, I can't find a film called Cardboard Box.

Ah well. Better kick off my dancin shoes.

As you were, everyone.

The Perils Of Associative Thought Patterns, I Guess

This image is (as you can probably guess) from Apple's webpage about their iBooks store.

You probably can't make it out on the picture, but one of the lines reads:

"...the bookshelf flips around like a secret passageway to reveal the iBookstore..."

Anyone else inclined to think of Anne Frank when they read that?

What with their logo allegedly being a reference to Alan Turing, whatever you may think of their products, it could be argued that Apple have a sense of history.

The Very Definition Of An 'Art Installation'

Apologies if you've seen this before, but if not, ladies and gennelman, I give you The Kansas City Library.

A terrific bit of architecture, I'd say - and I'm rather taken by the eclectic choice of books as well.

Bravo, Kansas!

Entering Decade Four

Today was my birthday, and for the first time in my working life, I didn't take the day off.

How was it, you ask? Well, the title of this book by the late David Foster Wallace sums it up best:


I shouldn't really complain: I've long thought that there wouldn't be any harm in everyone having their birthday as a day off school, college, work or whatever. It's just the one day, and since everyone has only one every year (except the Queen and people who were born on February 29), it'd apply pretty much equally.

Now I think about it, this is probably one of the few beliefs I have which hasn't changed over time. A solid and definite policy decision, maybe I should (crap pun approaching) form a political group and stand on this policy and this policy alone, under the name The Birthday Party?

Oh hang on, looks like Nick Cave and friends have beaten me to it. Ah well, probably for the best.

Do forgive my nonsense, it's late and I'm increasingly old. Though I guess that applies to all of us.

There Goes The Sun, Diddle-Da-Dah...

Last summer, I wrote about watching the solar eclipse in India, and mentioned that there'd been thousands of other people observing the event.

However, what I didn't know at the time was that a camera crew was there making a BBC science-based programme, and you won't be surprised to hear that their film of the eclipse is much more professional.

The footage forms part (some might even argue the centrepiece) of the first episode of the BBC2 series Wonders of the Solar System, presented by physicist Brian Cox, who's both smiley and enthusiastic about his subject matter, and it's generally a very interesting programme.

The eclipse stuff is around the halfway point, but I'd heartily recommend watching the whole show (not least because, if it's phenomena in the sky you like, there's a great sequence about the Northern Lights towards the end of the programme).

One of the things Cox does well, I feel (in addition to explaining issues clearly) is to convey a genuine sense of wonder and amazement about things; so often people will tell you that something is important or startling, but Cox is good at telling you why he thinks this is the case. I understand they're doing a trimmed-down version of the show for children, which sounds like a terrific idea.

What's that you say? Where do you find the programme? Why, m'love, tis right here. Enjoy.

Strangely Attractive, I Think You'll Agree

Do you agree?

Yes, I know, this sort of link-passing is what Twitter is for, but I don't have a Twitter account, so here it be.

Previous Price: 75p. New Price: 0p.

Back in May 2009 I gave a resounding thumbs-up to the first issue of the comic The Unwritten by Mike Carey and Peter Gross.

This week, it's been made available online for free in PDF format, so you can have a look at it and see if I was way off the mark or not.

In the months since its release, another ten or so issues have been published, and I feel they've fleshed out the underlying 'mythology' rather well, including a number of historic figures such as Mark Twain, Oscar Wilde, Rudyard Kipling and even Joseph Goebells.

It's currently one of the comics I look forward to most each month, so I'd urge you to have a look at the freebie first issue and see if it's your kind of thing.

"Lee-ah" like Leela or "Lei-a" Like Layer? We Were Never Sure At School

For me and many other males of a certain age and inclination, the reaction to Princess Leia in the Star Wars films was one which changed as the years went on and morefilms came out.

When the first film came out, and I was 7 or so, she was just, well, there, being captured and rescued and arguing with the male characters and then dishing out medals at the end. I think I may have had the Leia action figure which came out, but it wasn't my favourite or anything.

Then The Empire Strikes Back came out, and I seem to remember Leia having more to do - she was in charge on the ice planet, and more like one of the troops. Still, as a boy of about ten, I saw that she was a girl, and of course that meant she probably smelled like flowers and liked ponies or something. I don't know, all right? I was young and foolish then (as opposed to older and ... well, yes).

But a few years later, in Return Of The Jedi there was a frankly gratuitous scene with Leia in a metal bikini (much referred to amongst boys of a certain age, and the focus of an episode of Friends), which coincided with certain age-wrought changes in me to the extent that... well, yes, I found the scene oddly compelling. That's how shallow and facile I was then (and probably am now, some might say).

As I say, the scene with Leia in a metal bikini in the 1983 film was pretty unnecessary really, and I don't think it would be stretching it to say it was sexist. Fortunately, in 1995 a remodelled version of the Princess Leia action figure was released, and I think it's fair to say that it went some way to addressing the unnecessary sexualisation of the character:



... well, maybe you find that alluring. It doesn't do it for me, and I'm not alone in that, as apparently collectors call this the 'Monkey Face Leia' figure. I can see why, though it looks both simian and constipated.

Still, Carrie Fisher has demonstrated a sharp sense of humour about all this, I feel - in 2008 she said "Among George's many possessions, he owns my likeness, so that every time I look in the mirror I have to send him a couple of bucks. That's partly why he's so rich."

Variant Covers

I derive a strange delight from seeing international editions of magazines on the shelves of newsagents (often the larger branches).

I'm intrigued to see the differences between the covers of the US and UK versions of, say, Esquire or GQ; whilst this may have its roots in my childhood discovery of imported american comics alongside copies of Whizzer and Chips and Krazy comic (and wonderment at the fact that the US comics were, despite being smaller, in full colo[u]r), it's also quite interesting to pre-spot cover features on films or bands which may well make their way across the Atlantic in a month or so's time. This used to be very apparent with the film magazine Premiere, where last month's cover-feature in the US often seemed to be this month's in the UK edition, though I'm not sure if that mag still exists in either form.

Anyway, as ever, a thousand words or so when the pictures say it all: the UK and US editions of the current edition of Wired, and I'm amused by the different approach to the same cover-featured article: the US version looks like something from a Haynes manual, and the UK edition looks more like a poster from the era of Communism or the like.

I have no real point to make here, in all honesty; I'm just sharing something which amuses me a bit.

Self-indulgent? Very probably, but I suspect I've posted worse.

Proving That, Even In The Far-Flung Future, Intelligence Will Not Equate With Social Skills...

... in the 25th Century, Brainiac 5 demonstrates his contempt for those members of the Legion Of Super-Heroes too stupid to figure out how to make their own flight-rings.

Go on, Brainy! Flick them the rods!

The Ghost Of My Holiday Romance Toyboy Husband Shot My Conjoined Twin Baby As She Lay Dying Of Leukaemia... But I Still Love Him!

For some years now, the shelves of newsagents have been awash with... well, I don't know what you'd call them, really; tragic confession magazines? I'm sure you know the sort of thing - like the one pictured here, they're jam-packed with true tales of tragedy and woe, and yet often topped with a no-context-at-all picture of a smiling woman. Given the coverlines swirling around her, I always wonder: just what is she smiling at?

Anyway, there are a lot of these magazines, and a lot of the tales seem to focus around death or children or the deaths or illnesses of children, but there seems to be very little coverage of them; I can't help but wonder if, like their equivalent in book publishing, they're a bit of a 'dirty secret' - very lucrative, but not necessarily something that the folks involved want to admit to being involved in or talk about too much. Like being a pimp or drug dealer, or the composer of The Ketchup Song.

But, in a strange case of synchronicity, these magazines are the focus of not one, but two programmes on TV this week - one on Tuesday and another - on a different channel - on Thursday.

Hang on a mo, though... is it synchronicity... or a clever marketing ploy?

Hmm. If the latter, then my simple-minded ways have been exploited by a cruel media machine. I feel so dirty and used, like my very soul's been violated.

Perhaps I should sell my story.

Not So Much A Blog, More A Way Of Scoring Points

None of my schoolfriends believed me when I maintained that there was something... unexpected on Penelope Pitstop's car dashboard.

But this screengrab vindicates me. Oh yes.

And now, with this decade-spanning disagreement finally resolved in my favour, I can move on with my life.

NB: There is a possibility the above is slightly exaggerated to justify showing an innuendal image. Do not panic. All is well. Please do not adjust your 'nets.

"Seeing Is Believing"...

...has not been true since Winsor McCay and Gertie The Dinosaur, but it's startling to see just how much greenscreening there is in use, especially in TV shows where you might not expect it.

I mean: Ugly Betty? Seriously, I'd never have expected that.

Free Politics-Related eBook

Not everyone's bag, granted, but you might be interested in the free copy of Daniel Blyth's X Marks The Spot which you can get from the Waterstones website.

I haven't read it yet meself, but as it comes up as being both 'humour' and 'politics' on my eReader gadget, I think it'll probably be interesting. Seems to be available both in ePUB and PDF forms, which is a nice touch. Mind you, you have to sign up for e-mail updates from the publishers, so you may feel the game isn't worth the candle, as it were.

Anyway, have a look, see if it's your thing or not. And don't say I never give you anything.

Or, at least, that I never point you towards an opportunity to get something for nothing from someone else. Hmm, that doesn't sound quite so good, does it?

No, Of Course I Haven't Seen It. I Like To Comment From A Position Of Ignorance.

You've probably seen the adverts for the film Valentine's Day. Two thoughts:

1. Can we agree that this looks rather like Love Actually, with a shift of location and time of year?

2. Given that the film was released on Friday 12 February in the UK, I hope the studio behind the film aren't going to be shocked if last weekend's box office doesn't equal that of the opening weekend...

And yes, the posters for it do resemble those of He's Just Not That Into You, but you'd spotted that already, right?

I Probably Shouldn't Look Gift Advice In The Mouth, But Still...

Over on the Guardian website, they've recently published a two-part article called 'Ten rules for writing fiction', which makes for pretty interesting reading. Part one is here, and part two is here, though reading them in order is probably best.

As I say, I think there's a lot of useful advice in there, though some of it doesn't apply to all genres or whatever (I don't suffer from adverb-phobia, for example), though it's not without flaws; unfortunately one author seems to have rather forgotten the brief and veered towards details of how he writes, whilst another rather impractically suggests "When still a child, make sure you read a lot of books" - fine advice in itself, but I'd guess most Guardian readers are likely to feel it's too late to do that if they didn't at the time.

And for the few children who read the newspaper, it's preaching to the converted.

Childish and envious snarking aside, it's nonetheless worth a look, as one of the recurrent messages is the always unwelcome but equally true reminder that you actually have to get on with the writing part, until the story's finished.

Yes, yes, I know: I was hoping there'd be a magic short-cut revealed as well.

10 Things I've Learned From Watching Come Dine With Me A Smidgen Too Often

1. Anyone described as being a 'self-confessed foodie' is usually a bit of a pain

2. When shopping in your local deli/butcher/fishmonger, be sure to mention that you're holding a dinner party, and address the person behind the counter by their first name more often than is normal in conversation

3. Not supplying drink for your guests, even if it's for religious or medical reasons, usually leads to them getting a right arse on

4. Musical entertainment, whether provided by you or hired professionals, is not a good idea if you want to win

5. Any female contestant not in some kind of relationship will be labelled a 'singleton' in the commentary

6. Depending on how the group is constituted in terms of gender, a butler (with or without a shirt) may be popular

7. Don't try out something new on the night of your big event (actually, re haircuts and outfits and the like, this rule applies to much of life)

8. Rare is the person who can lift the silver salver without making the money move in some way. Less rare is being able to see the cameraman reflected in the surface of the salver

9. It's impossible to stand in the kitchen and talk to the camera about the meal you're preparing without acting like you're either Nigella L or Hugh F-W

10. Dave Lamb's voiceovers for Come Dine With Me are like the commentary for Masterchef, but with an awareness that - ultimately - we are only talking about cooking here.

...Which is probably why I watch the show a bit too much, as the above rather shows.

BBC Writing For Continuing Drama Q&A

So, the good folks at BBC Writersroom are holding another one of their Q&A sessions, this time about Continuing Drama, and they'll also be talking about the BBC Writers Academy. Attending will be John Yorke, whose name you might recognise from the end of the credits for a lot of TV shows.

It's at the Drill Hall in London (kind of equidistant between Warren Street and Tottenham Court Road tubes), on Thursday 4 March from 6:00pm. It's free to get in, but you need to send an e-mail asking if they can add you to the guest list, otherwise one of their scary bouncers will throw you out.

I've made a vague plan to focus this year on non-visual media (by which idiotic turn of phrase I mean the novel and writing for radio), but this sounds like a good chance to grab an insight into an area which I'd certainly be interested to write for (I'm not ruling TV or films out forever, I just want to prevent myself being the jack-of-all-manuscripts and finisher of none), so I think I might give it a go.

Full details can be founded right here

And in case you think that the accompanying picture is inappropriate, I'd politely disagree; it refers to events in the Queen Vic on most evenings.

I Love The Caption At 0:54

Insidious Worm Makes Unauthorized Purchases When Computer User Is Drunk

Once again, The Onion nails it.

"In my experience, those who beg for mercy seldom deserve it."

No, I haven't gone all hard-boiled; those are the works which you have to use as a first line if you decide to enter Alibi's search for a new crime writer competition.

The first line is supplied by Stuart MacBride, and then it's up to you to complete the story (between 2000 and 5000 words in all) and get it to them by noon on Saturday 16 May.

The prizes are pretty decent, I feel - they'll pay for you to go to the Crime Writing Festival, and you get 100 crime books (though as one of the other prizes is an e-reader, these might be eBooks, I suppose), and they make your story into a downloadable e-edition. I've certainly seen worse prizes, and entry is free.

Full details are available here. I'm planning to give it a go, let me know if you decide to.

Actually, thinking about it, I might go for something a bit hard-boiled, or noirish, might be interesting to try writing in a very different voice from the usual...

This Offer Only Good Until Midnight (I Think)

Available for the first time on DVD since it was first shown on BBC TV in 2006, Stephen Fry's two-part documentary series The Secret Life Of The Manic Depressive is released tomorrow...

... but if you click here and buy it today, you can get it for 45% off the release price of £15.99.

If you haven't seen it - and statistically, I'd imagine that's fairly likely - it's a very solid documentary, with Fry and people such as Robbie Williams, Tony Slattery, Carrie Fisher and Richard Dreyfus talking about how their life's been affected by bipolar disoder.

Very much recommended, and a portion of the profits go to a mental health charity, so I politely suggest you click the above link. Trust me, it's worth every penny.

Now You Can See (Well, Hear) What I've Been Up To While I Haven't Been Posting This Week

I'm pleased to be able to point you towards the latest episode of the BBC7 comedy show Newsjack, which features a joke by little ol' me.

Here be the link to the show's page, which also includes the iPlayer link and a credits list (rather charmingly alphabetised by forename). My gag is the one about SuperInjunctions in the Corrections segment about two minutes from the end.

There'll probably be a link for the podcast in the next couple of days, and my rampant egocentricity means I'm very likely to post that too. (EDIT: Crikey, looks like it's already available here. That was quick.)

Anyway, as you can probably gather, I'm more than a little bit pleased about this (which is why my usual English reserve has been overwhelmed with the desire to self-promote so shamelessly); my first paid work for the BBC, and not, I hope, the last.

Though, as ever, that's rather up (or indeed down) to me, innit? Back to the writing...

No, No, There Were Supposed To Be Plans For A Batman Musical...

I don't want to pre-judge, but is it just me, or is this the most insane idea for a musical ever?

For every Sweeney Todd, there is, after all, at least one Capeman.

I Am Become Ouroboros, Devourer Of Tails

To the left, my only joke about the iPad's name; the toilet-related ones strike me as a bit weak, really.

Anyway, what of the new Apple device ? I don't know, I haven't seen one or tried one or whatever, and anyway we all know that later models will be faster and cheaper and do extra things and so on.

What I do think is interesting, though, is much of the media coverage of the product's launch; after a fair amount of speculation about its possible existence (and of possible capacities), there's a lot of coverage of the iPad's launch, both in traditional media and online (such as in posts like this one).

And I think the reason why the media coverage has probably been disproportionate to the genuine level of interest (aside from the usual thing about filling airtime or column inches or what have you) is less because of what it does, but because of what it could potentially do in the future; because if the capabilities of it were developed to their full extent, this sort of device could have a serious impact on a lot of jobs relating to the media. Because it could, at the far extremes of possibility, replace books and magazines and newspapers in the same way that, for many people, the iPod and iTunes have replaced CDs and music shops.

Print media have been struggling in recent times with falling sales and/or ad revenues, and one of the main expenses for print media is, well, you've got to print the thing; if, on the other hand, you can just edit your copy of The Daily Blah and send it wirelessly or what have you to your subscribers, that saves you a sizey chunk of dosh on printing and distribution costs. And of course you could correct or update stuff as the day goes on, add in video stuff, make your ads link directly to the advertiser's sites, and so on. All of which will involve very different 'skill sets' (as the cool kids in HR say nowadays) for people working in print media.

So, for that reason, I rather suspect the press coverage (whether it's manifesting as Apple Acolyte behaviour or sneery dismissal, or something in between) is, in a large part, born of an awareness that this device, and others with similar capabilities, could have a serious effect on the press, who may need - as the music industry has done - to find themselves a new (or parallel) business model pretty sharpish.

Whilst the unveiling of the iPad is, for the vast majority of people, an item of only marginal concern as they may not be inclined (financially or in terms of interest) to buy one, for anyone working in the print media, it could have a serious effect on their livelihood in their not-necessarily-distant-future.

It's probably not the greatest innovation since the invention of movable type; but the high-profile launch of a device which enables words which have been typed to be moved through the air and presented in a form akin to print media has to send waves of concern through the fourth estate.

And that, I would suggest, is motivating a lot of the coverage. And in covering the coverage, I am drawn to quote Robert Oppenheimer (allegedly) quoting the Bhagavad Gita. But that's the kind of pretentious idiot I am.

Or, perhaps, I am become.

Slightly Further To Yesterday's Post, But Not Entirely

A new word for your dictionary...

Jedward [Jed'wood]

1. portmanteau n. Contestants John and Edward in ITV talent contest The X-Factor in 2009. Their elimination sparked a very short-lived campaign of complaints.

2. n. Slang term for any item which excites a great deal of interest for a brief spell and is then forgotten as though it had never existed. Often applied to workplace tasks whose lasting impact is inversely proportionate to the importance placed upon their timely creation at short notice, as in:

"Dave, I need a full report on the last six years' sales figures for the MD, by tomorrow morning."
"If I bust my guts to deliver it on time, will he actually read it, or is this another bloody Jedward?"

The Never-Ending Story

Unlike many, many people, I haven't yet watched the Doctor Who episodes The End Of Time, though I've got them through iPlayer, and they're sitting on my computer awaiting my eyeballs.

In a similar fashion, I haven't read the final volume in Stephen King's Dark Tower series, though I really like the books, and the finale is on my 'to read' bookshelf.

I don't watch Heroes any more, though I cheerfully followed the first series all the way until the penultimate episode, and only missed the finale because I mis-set the recorder; granted, most people I know are suggesting that I didn't miss much (either in that finale or what has followed), but I was oddly content with leaving it where it was.

I've written before about how mysteries and questions can be as satisfying as resolutions and answers, and it's certainly a feeling that seems to be increasing in my thinking; which is odd, given that one thing that I find deeply satisfying if it's present (and frankly irritating if it's not) is a story in which it's clear that the creator knows where they're going and what they're doing.

And yet, like a reunion of a much-missed band or sequel to a much-loved tale, the anticipation can overwhelm the reality, and your excited imaginings can far outstrip what's actually delivered.

In part, this is an inevitable result of items being exaggerated in their importance; there's a story which I love (especially if it's true) that when a group of journalists were attending the official release of the 'reunited Beatles' song Free As A Bird, they were asked to turn away as the boxes of the single were carried onstage. One of them, apparently (and rightly) said 'oh, for god's sake, it's only a record!', and refused to turn away, at which point all the others did the same. Don't get me wrong, I think the Beatles are far and away the most important band ... well, probably ever, but a new song from them is, when all's said and done, a song, and it's unlikely that its four minutes or so of music and lyrics is going to actually, literally, knock the world off its axis or otherwise change absolutely everything forever and ever and ever.

I think there's a similar hyperbole applied to many things, be they books or films or albums or comics or whatever, much of which seems to be intended to get people all giddy and excited and convinced that this thing really, really matters just long enough that they slap down money for it, and after that, well, so long and thanks for all the dosh. In a way, it's pretty much evident from, say, the promotion for films - there are trailers and posters and interviews on chat shows and press releases dressed up as news reports (I'm looking at you, free newspapers), but within a day or two of the film's opening, it's almost as if the massed media has forgotten about what it was so recently talking about, and is trying to pretend its fleeting obsession never happened.

Seemingly the most obvious version of this, though it doesn't quite follow the theory, is the way that winners of The X-Factor tend to vanish without trace for the best part of a year until they bob back up to the surface of public consciousness in late autumn, to ride the wave of pubic interest generated by the new series of the show. There's a very real danger in this instance that the public - who are, after all, encouraged to pretend that this really matters as the series goes on, and to forget about people whose standing in the show they were terrifically excited about the previous week - will forget all about these newly-born 'stars' in the intervening months, though I guess it takes a few months of being strapped into Simon Cowell's Strip-Away-Any-Vestige-Of-Personality-And-Ensure-We-Can-Flog-Them-To-The-US-O-Tron before they can be presented safely to the public. But I digress.

I guess one has to be realistic about the level of expectation involved - and when I say 'one', I mean you. And me. The final Harry Potter book or a newly-discovered full version of The Magnificent Ambersons or [insert your Holy Grail here] may be a terrifically exciting prospect, but as so many people felt about the Star Wars prequels or Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol, the finished article may not live up to your expectations (which may themselves have been stoked by blanket coverage and exaggeration of the item's properties and importance). Don't get me wrong, I still retain a frankly child-like ability to get excitable about things which - in the long run, and often in other people's estimation - aren't really that important, but I'm trying to keep a sense of perspective, and realise that a comic which finally and definitively settles the fanboy question of whether Captain America could beat Batman in a fight* is, five years down the line, less likely to be quite so important to me, and may well in fact be a bit of a disappointment.

And of course, holding off on the climax has its own rewards (oh, stop that, you filth; you know what I mean): as far as I'm concerned, the story's still taking place - David Tennant is still The Doctor (though I'm optimistic about the Moffat/Smith era), and Roland Deschain is still en route to the Tower, and neither story's end has come as a disappointment.

Unlike - very probably for many of you - this lengthy and rambling post, whose end probably comes as a blessed relief.

*Of course he couldn't - Batman would win hands-down.

By Way Of Antidote To My Usual Mockery And Pedantry...

... have a look at this; the song's pedestrian at best, but I genuinely love the way the woman signing it in the lower right corner gets into it (you may want to skip to a minute or so in):



I suspect she's just paid to sign the words, but she goes well beyond the call of duty, and, frankly, gets on down. And it looks like she's rather enjoying her job.

Good for her, I say.

Pedantry Aside, I Really Like The Cover

I genuinely like the design of this cover, but on the basis that covers of books tend to feature the main character (and I applaud the way the artwork doesn't show the man full face, meaning that you won't have your mental image of the character barged aside), I guess that this cover shows Reilly's recurring character Jack West Jr.

But, um, doesn't he have a bionic arm made of titanium steel? It doesn't look that way from the cover picture.

Unless, of course, he got his arm back in the previous book, but I haven't read that one yet.

A Second Edition (Should That Be 'Opinion'?)

Many moons ago, I referred - albeit fleetingly - to the book The Writer's Tale by Russell T Davies.

As you might imagine from the title, it's an account of his experiences working on Doctor Who, incorporating scripts as well as featuring nicely candid e-mails between RTD and the journalist Benjamin Cook. It came out in a nice hardback form in 2008, and as you can see from the picture to the left, the paperback has come out - with, cripes, a big chunk of new material, covering the episodes which were broadcast in 2009. In the absence of a 'supplement' being issued for hardback-owners, I think that 300 pages of new material is a pretty good lure to buy it again, really.

Anyway, I wanted to draw your attention to the updated Writer's Tale website, which now features downloadable PDFs of the scripts for the 2009 Specials, including The End Of Time. And, unlike the book I sound suspiciously like I'm hawking above, the scripts can be had for the always-nice sum of nought pence.

I always think it's interesting to have a look at how these things are done (even if the depth of my insight is limited to thoughts like "Hmm, these episodes are numbered as an extension of the previous series"). A peek behind the curtain, as it were.

Juvenilia (Or: Er, Dracula Is Public Domain, Right? Please Don't Sue My Child Self)

As if deliberately plumbing the depths of self-indulgence, and seeking to alienate you good people, I thought I'd share the following early example of my writing, which I found yesterday when clearing out some boxes of stuff.

The dates on the back suggest it's from when I was five or six years old, so please excuse the mangled conjugation of the verb 'to eat':


I think we can all see what young me was aiming at with that picture, but I think I owe an apology to the estates of both Bram Stoker and Bob Kane.

And, very probably, Freddie Mercury.

Channel Surfing

My current reading material is the second volume of Michael Palin's Diaries, a very thoughtful Christmas pressie from Mrs S. It covers the 1980s, when Mr P was featuring in an impressive array of films (Time Bandits, The Meaning Of Life, and Brazil, for example).

However, for sheer unexpectedness, one of my favourite onscreen Palin moments is the following from 2006:



All things considered, I think he underplays it rather nicely; good to see an extra not trying to scene-steal in any way whatsoever. Ahem.

As I Say, Trying To Make The Posts More Interesting, Even If There Are Fewer Of Them...

... which is why I had to share this.

Thanks to m'chum Dan.

Perhaps I Should Just Re-jig This Blog To Make It About Pointing Out Similarities And Be Done With It

On the left, an image from a current Marvel comic, relating to their latest cross-over story, Siege.

On the right, the cover for a DVD of a performance of The Wall which took place in Berlin, with a logo dating back to when the concert took place in 1990.

Hmm.

I rather hope it's a pre-established icon or image which is being re-used here, so do let me know if you know better.

First 'Book Twins' Of 2010...

... though I doubt they'll be the last.

For the record, I have no objection to Brad Meltzer's work - I really enjoyed The Tenth Justice - it's the derivative book design I have a beef with. Though judging from his comics work, Brad and I clearly differ in our fondness for Red Tornado. Ah well, tis but a small matter.

Silliness, Like Diarrhoea, Runs In The Genes

Almost a guest post, this one; my father's been interested in astronomy for most of his life, even building a Dobsonian telescope from scratch (well, he had the mirror blank, he didn't glue together millions of individual glass particles, but you know what I mean).

And so it was with genuine amusement in his voice that he suggested that I have a look at this site about some photos allegedly taken by the Hubble Telescope.

Despite what Mr Dawkins says, it's the foolish gene which is dominant in the Soanes family.

By The Time I Hit 'Publish', This Could Prove To Be Invalid

But nonetheless, it's worth a try.

A short film written and directed by Neil Gaiman, and starring Bill Nighy, which was shown on Sky TV a night or two ago, and which has somehow made its way online:



Is the item above not working? I can only assume the link's invalid because Sky have issued a cease-and-desist-and-go-to-your-room order. Ah well, it was fun while it lasted.

Brake Time

Gah, this is going to be horribly self-referential and indulgent, but then again that's not really anything new to the blog, so...

A quick glance at the column on the right shows that in 2009 I posted at least once a day here on't blog, and though I don't think I said as much at the time, this was a challenge (albeit a fairly pathetic one) I set myself back at the start of the year.

I think that it went pretty well overall - there were probably a few too many posts wherein I pointed out some minor point of similarity between two items, or picked on some frankly pedantic point and scratched away at it in an attempt to mine some amusement, but on the other hand I was pretty chuffed to have said something to you, my faithful and frankly pert audience, every day. Whether or not you felt the same way is an entirely different matter, but heck, that's what the Comment function's for, right?

Anyway, all of the rambling nonsense above is by way of alerting you to the fact that the blog may see something of a decrease in frequency of posting - or, at least, a decrease in comparison with the past year; that's not to say I won't still be making facile remarks on a regular basis, but it may be more like a working week's worth of comments as opposed to a daily thing. Still, we'll see - and hopefully you'll feel that the shift in frequency is matched by an upswing in quality of content, as I find myself feeling less that I have to post something, and more that I have something to post (an important distinction, I think you'll agree).

But don't fret (or, depending on how you feel about my still being here, do fret), there'll still be the same stupid mix of personal opinions on matters I know next to nothing about, links to items of possible interest, and - oh yes - more pictures of books and films with similar covers or posters; I appreciate knowing you good folks are out there as I post all my nonsense, and I hope you'll stick around for more.

Because there is more. Oh yes.

Welcome To The Future

According to the tagline for the frankly underrated film 2010, it's "the year we make contact".

That would, of course, be terrific, but in the absence of Dave Bowman returning, I just hope that, for all of you who are kind enough to read this blog, it's the year we make progress, howsoever you choose to define it.

It may be that you want things to feel they're moving forward on a personal, professional, creative, mental, physical or even spiritual level, and so I hope that, when we reach the end of 2010, you can look back at the year and - whether it's because of things you've done or events conspiring in your favour (or, perhaps best of all, both of those) - that you can look back and think yep, that was a very good year.

But enough of my hoping, a new year (and a new decade? Or is that mathematically inaccurate?) awaits! Let's get using the time productively, eh ?

So, let's take a moment to gather ourselves, and ... onwards!